when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
