Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
