Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
