At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
