***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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