thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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