i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
