My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
