I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
