Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
one two three fourrrrnication!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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