You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
