my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
