just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
