I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
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