Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm experimenting with sincerity
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
