I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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