i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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