Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
