why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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