I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
