If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
