the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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