Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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