Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
