So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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