if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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