i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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