saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
