She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
