never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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