Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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