I puked a lego.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
