I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
