The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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