on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
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The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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