I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
