the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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