I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
