The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
