Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
