She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He had one of those small greek statue penises
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
