Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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