she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
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