I puked a lego.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
