My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
