"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
