This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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