I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
