ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
