What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
