For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
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Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
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I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize