but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
