I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
