I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize